LittleGrabber

2011-10-10T14:51:00.000-07:00

Written and shared by my friend Tina who also has a child with RTS.

Dear mommy,

I have felt your tears, falling on my face.
Someone else might think they are tears of sadness, because of what I can't do.

I KNOW DIFFERENT.

I know those tears pour from your heart out of gratitude for me, because of what I CAN do : I can love everyone in the purest form possible. Unconditionally. I can be judged, but will never judge in return.
I know different because I feel, in your hugs and kisses, that I'm perfect just the way I am.

I have seen you hang your head down in shame, when we go out on adventures.
Someone else might think you are ashamed of having a child like me.

I KNOW DIFFERENT.

I know you are ashamed of the grown-ups who ignore me, yet talk happily to all the other children. The grown-ups who won't look you in the eye, but stare at me, when they think you don't see. I know different because I've seen the many, many more times you have raised your head up high, with pride, because I'm yours. : )

I have heard you whispering desperate prayers at night. Someone else might think you are asking God to make me a typical kid.

I KNOW DIFFERENT.

I know you are thanking Him that I got to be here, with you, for another day- exactly how I am. I know different because I have heard you ask me never to leave you. And I have heard you cheer for me, every single day of my life- you tell me I don't need to be typical to be amazing, I just need to be here.

I know you have a big job, taking care of me.
I know your body hurts, because I'm getting so big.
I know that more than anything, you want to hear me say your name.
And I know you worry that you aren't good enough, and that you will fail me.

BUT I KNOW DIFFERENT MOMMY.....
I know that even on your worst days, you will always be enough for me, and I will always love you more than you know

2011-09-09T12:34:00.000-07:00

10 Things my Autistic kids wished you knew

1. I’m sorry I have fits but I’m not a spoiled brat. I’m just so much younger on the inside then I am on the outside.

2. I’m easily overwhelmed because I see and hear everything. I hear the lights hum and clock tick. Everything is so loud it makes my head hurt all the time and my eyes hurt from all the bright lights.

3. I’m not stupid, I’m actually very smart. I just don’t learn the way you want me to. Please learn about Autism so you know how to help me better understand what you are trying to teach.

4. Please don’t be mad at mommy and daddy because we don’t come over for holidays or birthdays. They really want to go but I don’t do well at another person’s house. It’s too overwhelming for me and they know that. They don’t go because they love me, NOT because they don’t like you.

5. Please have patience with me. I try really hard to make good decisions but I can be very impulsive at times.

6. Yes, I have Autism but that doesn’t mean I’m less of a person because of it. If anything, I’m actually more of a person in spite of it.

7. My house might be messy sometimes. It’s because my mommy and daddy spend all their time trying to find new ways to help me or teach my brother to talk..

8. Just because I can’t talk doesn’t mean I don’t understand what you are saying. My feelings can be hurt just like yours.

9. I wish my mommy and daddy knew how much I love them. I have a really hard time with emotions and I don’t always like to be touched. But I love them more than anything in the world, even more then my Lego’s.

10. I know I can be frustrating but don’t tell me I won’t amount to anything because I have Autism. If you love and support me I WILL do great things in my life in spite of my challenges.

- Lost and Tired

This Little Piggy...

2011-07-17T11:42:00.000-07:00

Angry Birds-the newest edition

2011-07-16T22:51:00.000-07:00

Today was a big day for fans of Angry Birds.

Nathan's Birthday edition was released!

In the last year Angry birds has grown in popularity, seems like everyone you talk to plays it and Nathan has been playing it since May 2010, six months after it was first introduced as an application for the apple Ipod.

With the ever growing popularity among kids, it still remains difficult to find appropriate birthday party decorations, loot bags and prizes with an Angry Birds theme. So I put my creative hat on and did my best to make it an Angry bird theme.

The Invitation

The birthday invite was simple and to the point.

We added a few personal details to the image but kept it suttle.

(Nathan's Birthday is the score and we added a cloud with the number five)

The Loot Bags

We kept to a bird theme-

So all our guest received a bird feeder filled with bird seeds along with a Loot bag.

Here Alyssa was helping me prepare them all.

The finished product shown here by Alyssa

I also wanted to do something that was a little bit more Angry Bird like so I also made cute little Loot bags for a few other little goodies.

I did a white bird loot bag

and a blue bird loot bag

I wrapped up the bird feeders in red tissue paper and paired them up with a loot bag and balloon. I then hung all of them on the banister and the treats doubled up as a decorative accent. Pretty smart huh?

The Cake

Our Grabber was in shock....

oohhhh how I wish I could have known what he was thinking right at that moment.

Just look at his face.

We all helped in blowing the candle out

Jack was sleeping soundly in his bed so was not around for the picture

The Game

We had a real live action game set up. We had a sling shot and the birds. This was so much fun and I think the best part of the birthday party.

Kids and parents enjoyed it alike and Nathan really enjoyed it. He laughed and giggled a lot.

Here is the game set up

Here's the kids playing the real live action game

Friends and Presents

We had family, close family friends and friends from school join us today. We had so much fun and Nathan LOVED his presents. Thanks to all of you who came and helped make Nathan's Angry Bird Birthday the best ever.

KIDS are mean!

2011-06-22T15:59:00.000-07:00

I guess some things never change! Kids were mean to me when I was little and today kids are still mean. Am I overly sensitive or overly protective?

After school today Alyssa was really excited about staying and playing at the school playground because for once we didn't have to run over and pick Nathan up from his school. Nathan's last day of preschool was yesterday and I usually have a 15 minute window between the time she gets out and the time Nathan gets out. Anyway, so I promised Alyssa we could play at the school playgrond after school today. That playground is my nightmare because the kids play rough and they could care less about who's around.

Nathan of course is excited by the playground and can't wait to go exploring, the problem is that he has no concept of danger ( walking in front of swings, walking under monkey bars etc.) so I am forever chasing him. A far cry from all the other parents who get to sit and gab while their kids are playing. Then there's my sweet little Jack. Poor Jack gets to watch from the stroller as I have no way of keeping him safe. I'm afraid he'll get trampled on... okay I'll get to the point now.

As I was following Nathan around the playground, I heard my daughter Alyssa say, " I'm running way from Nathan, quick he can't catch up with us here." My blood started to boil. So I called her over and explained to her that although she thinks it's a game, Nathan is completely unaware of her presents and all of the kids playing with Alyssa were actually teasing and making fun of Nathan. This is not okay. I explained that Nathan has feelings too and asked her how she would feel if the roles were reversed. She got it right away and changed her ways. I was most impressed.

A few minutes later, I noticed three boys (about 8 years old I'd say) staring at Nathan, trying to get in his way. Then they started making fun of him. ( Nathan was giggling to himself and amusing himself, then of course he started to lick surfaces- This is the part of autism that I can't stand!) I really didn't like what was happening, as the circle got tighter around Nathan, I piped up. "Hey " I said. "I really don't find what your doing funny" They stopped laughing. "Instead of staring at him and making fun of him why don't you actually talk to him. He's a person with feelings you know." " Instead of staring why don't you ask me what's up with Nathan, do you have a question or not?" The boys just said they weren't doing anything and then took off.

Unlike my friends Teri and Jessica, I am not as tactful. I'm sure they would have found some better way, some nicer way to talk to those boys but in the moment, I was hurt and Mama bear came barrelling through.

How should I have dealt with this? I'm curious to know your thoughts.

ibirthday

2011-06-18T21:06:00.000-07:00

We celebrated Sean's birthday this weekend

and I surprised him with the BEST cake EVER!

Anyone who know's Sean knows that he LOVES Apple.

So it seemed fitting to make him a

cake he really would enjoy!

(oh yes, this is me being silly)

Only I didn't make the cake... I had every intention on making it but then I somehow ran out of time so I asked The lighthouse bakery to do it.

What a great job they did!

(white fondant icing with a dusting of silver - inside was chocolate)

Sean was super surprised.

Just look at how happy he is!

He told me it was the "best birthday cake"

I loved that I got to surprise him like that.

ohhhhhhh and the best part about this past weekend was ......

not Sean's birthday.... or his birthday cake

......not father's day..... not presents...

the best part of this weekend was when Jack said "mama" on father's day!

Flashback Friday!!

2011-06-17T00:29:00.000-07:00

35 years ago

a picture of a cute little boy was taken

That little boy became my best friend

and the love of my life.

I love you!

Happy 41st Birthday baby!

Schools wearing me out!!!!

2011-06-16T22:36:00.001-07:00

I went to pick Nathan up from school and his aid told me he fell asleep reading books!

This is the picture she took!

He just fell asleep- like he just fell over and started sleeping!!!!

Do you think my kid is tired?

Notice what he was reading.... I think that means he liked camping!!!

Tuned in with Nature!

2011-06-12T21:21:00.000-07:00

Six weeks ago, Sean and I purchased a huge 10 man tent with the intent of doing some family camping trips over the summer. We booked three separate sites over the summer and the first three day trip was this past weekend.

I had a lot of anxiety and excitement attached to this event. Our Grabber didn't really know what to make of the tent when we set it up, so you can just imagine what it might be like to ask him to sleep in the tent. On the other hand, if all goes well then it's all very exciting because it's the start of a new adventure for our family.

So many people told me that I was brave for camping with young children. I really don't understand whats so brave about it. It's not like I'm out there fighting off bears and hunting for food. It's simply camping...and yes camping is a lot of work.... but it's also a lot of fun, the key for me was just to let go... don't sweat the small stuff and just go with it.

To start off our very first camping adventure with the Grabber our plan was to stay close to home. That's exactly what we did, stayed close to home, in fact 8 minutes from home... We camped at Goldstream Provincial Park. We got away without going to far... it was indeed a perfect spot for a perfect weekend.

This was our campsite

I cannot emphasize how impressed and blown away I am with Nathan. On a daily basis, I find myself observing Nathan from the outside. Never quite being able to connect with him on the same level. This weekend was different. Nathan was tuned in. He is a nature kid. He was aware of everything around him and smiled and laughed a lot. I've never seen him so happy. His eyes told me so much about what he was feeling. It was amazing!!

Our weekend was filled with activities. We hiked....

and played

and had so much fun

then we found this trail...

which led us to these stairs

Here is the view of the stairs from the bottom.

It was a workout!

and as we got lower down this is what we saw.

a beautiful waterfall

My brother-in-law Mike joined us on our camping trip.

He takes amazing photos.

Our family photo by the waterfall

Poor Grabber, his legs quit working after the stair climb back to camp!

NO energy left at all... He's asleep...

We had cuddles by the fire.

Played with our favorite toys

Played ball

Took a nap

Cheering on

while Dad and Uncle Mike play badminton

We played frisbee

and had excellent coaches

teaching us

We played inside

and outside the tent

We ate pancakes- YUM !

Made S'mores!

We had a great time!

Wordless Wednesday!

2011-06-08T12:17:00.000-07:00

Report Card Time

2011-06-04T23:33:00.000-07:00

Nathan got his report card on Friday and I have to say I was pretty happy! I have seen big changes in Nathan since he started attending preschool. This montessori school is helping Nathan be the best that he can be and along the way have helped me so much with communication, toilet training and eating. Nathan has two preschool teachers and he has two aids who work with him 1:1. The staff at this school are phenomenal. I can't thank them enough for their hard work and dedication to Nathan's education and well being. I'm excited for next year as he starts kindergarden at Island Montessori.

Here's some of what his teachers had to say about his school year:

Nathan has been a delight to have in the classroom with his inquisitive nature and enchanting smile. It is wonderful to see him taking part in the classroom routines such as participating in circle time by placing the numbers on the calendar, listening to a story with the other children in the quiet corner, or finding a partner to work with at clean up time. Nathan has become very aware of what the other children are doing in the classroom and observes their activities. He has been included by the other children this year and many will seek him out to play silly games or dance with him when music is playing in the afternoon.

Nathan has made huge progress when it comes to taking materials off the shelf and putting them back. A huge change from last year when he used to just take things off the shelf and dump them on the floor. He will often just put things back unassisted.

Nathan's aids have been working hard on setting up a bathroom routine with Nathan and he has made huge progress in this area, and will follow through the routine when working with other teachers.

At lunch time, he has made huge progress with his eating. The other children are very interested in what his aid is working on with him and they will often sing the alphabet song with him or play the clapping game in between bites.

We are looking forward to seeing Nathan returning in the fall.

Nathan continues to be a pleasure to work with, consistently surprising us with his abilities. He has been working very hard and it shows.

Nathan is working though all areas of the classroom, and is mostly drawn to number and letter work. Nathan now recognizes the name and phonetic sounds of each letter in the alphabet. Nathan recognizes numbers 1-30 and can put them in numerical order with very little assistance.

Nathan continues to expand his vocabulary with PEC's and is quite interested in any new pictures that are in his PEC's binder. Nathan has been working through a series of flashcards, as well, to expand his vocabulary. We feel Nathan would not be at the point that he is had he not picked up on PEC's so quickly. Nathan is visibly proud of himself whenever he is using PEC's to communicate. It is a form of communication that he enjoys very much. We feel that the more he is asked to request for things, the more he is going to b inclined to do so by himself without prompting.

Nathan participates in most of the physical activities in the gym and outside. He does, however, need assistance to move on to new activities and to try things at outside time, and has in the past few months had a hard time stopping what he was doing at clean up time.

Nathan is a bright little boy who brings an amazing presence to the classroom. Nathan has an enormous amount of potential with the PEC's program

Exhausted!!!

2011-05-17T22:06:00.000-07:00

This is how I found Nathan tonight! Sound asleep on the top bunk of Alyssa's bed. Why is he so tired? Because this little grabber works harder than anyone I know.

Nathan is doing so well. He's in full-day preschool from 9 till 3 and then from 5-7 in the evenings he has intervention. Nathan has 5 days of intervention a week and we are starting to see a big difference in him.

We are working on many things, among the top priorities are oral eating, communications and toilet training. Nathan is currently still 100% g-tube fed but we have introduced play with food and in some cases he has actually voluntarily put little star cereal (the kind that disolve) in his mouth. We have a very long road ahead but we are taking baby steps in the right direction. It's all very exciting to see.

As for his communication, Nathan is doing very well with PECS and communicates his needs accordingly through his pictures. Ideally we would get Nathan using the Ipad for communication, It would make so much sense- it can hold unlimited amount of pictures and is just so much more compact then his binder.

Nathan LOVEs the Ipad - he's become quite the master at Angry Birds- clearing levels like there's no tomorrow- I have video of him playing the new Angry birds Rio ( on the day it was released) I'll try to post that next for you.

Nathan still has his fascination and stimming with spinning object, yesterday I let him "stim" as his interaction with Jack was amazing. Jack was laughing so hard and completely enjoying his brothers spinning skills. Jack LOVES Nathan, and Nathan is starting to acknowledge Jack from time to time. The little things people take for granted are the BIG milestones I see happening as Nathan progresses.

Here below is a picture of Jack enjoying Nathan's spinning abilities and loving every second of it! Jack will be 9 months old on Thursday already!

No More Paparazzi!!!

2011-05-01T21:18:00.000-07:00

Cookie Monster!

2011-03-31T22:50:00.000-07:00

Nathan had some fun chewing on an Oreo.

Flashback Friday

2011-03-04T00:09:00.000-08:00

Busted!

Sometimes....

2011-02-27T23:10:00.000-08:00

Sometimes I feel like I can't do enough

Sometimes I feel overwhelmed

Sometimes I feel like I just can't do it all and then

Sometimes I feel like I just don't want to do it at all.

Nathan has been miserable for days, we just found out he has strep throat, I actually thought he had chicken pox because he had all these little skin lesions but it turns out it's part of the strep. Alyssa too has strep and it would appear that my husband Sean now has it too!

Oh yes these are fun times.

Jack and I are fighting it, but I'm feeling worn down.

Sometimes the timing sucks....

My brother and his family arrived from England on Thursday and I feel like I haven't even seen much of them because we've all been working on our own crazy schedules. Them with the jetlag and me with my sick babies.

I am thrilled that they are here visiting, but did everyone have to get sick NOW? Really?

Sometimes I think we have bad luck.

Sometimes I can't cope and I get grumpy.

Sometimes my grumpiness overtakes and I take it out on those I love the most.

Sometimes I wish I could express my sentiments, my feelings and frustrations.

Sometimes I wish my pride wouldn't overtake my need to ask for help.

Sometimes I just don't want to be the one to advocate.

Sometimes I just need to let it go.

Sometimes I need to just rest and not make it all about therapy.

Sometimes I just need to step back,

take a deep breath and just see past the syndrome and the autism.

There's a beautiful child in there.

Sometimes that child surprises you.

Today that child hugged me when I needed it the most.

Sometimes... most times...

I just wish it could be a little easier.

It's a snow day!

2011-02-23T21:38:00.000-08:00

Jack and Sean

enjoying a father/son moment in the snow!

Today was Jack's first snow day. The weather forecast called for 2 cm of snow. What we actually got was 15 cm overnight and another 5 cm during the day. Nathan's school was closed and we kept Alyssa home from school today. Sean stayed home too. Road conditions were no good so we played in the snow instead.

Nathan is not a fan of this kind of weather, he doesn't even like it when rain drops hit his head, but he seemed okay going for a short walk in the white stuff. I love the snow, it's beautiful to look at, I just wish dressing three kids to go outside wouldn't take an hour, especially when one of them only wants to stay outside for 15 minutes!!!!

What will tomorrow bring???

Nathan's first EVER visit to the dentist

2011-02-22T22:20:00.000-08:00

Okay, so I'm sure you're thinking, "what kind of mother waits four-and-a-half years to take her kid to the dentist?" The answer: a mother who just doesn't want to put her child through any more than he's been through!

I have had so much anxiety build up to this day. Nathan doesn't do well with medical appointments. He screams and whines, grabs at the door to get out before we even see a doctor. Last month I took him to the optometrist for a follow up visit and we couldn't even get his eyes measured because he freaked out. It was a battle just to get him to look at a TV screen for a few seconds. There is no such thing as a smooth appointment with Nathan.

On Sunday, Nathan was not feeling well. He was quite lethargic and not himself. He basically was laying on the floor in a daze. He had no interest in anything- later that night Nathan had a fever. I'm still perplexed by this sudden onset of temperature.

Anyway last night (Monday) Nathan was shaking in his bed and complaining quite loudly. Nothing I could do seemed to comfort him. Sean helped me get him out of bed and then pointed out that Nathan was doing something weird with his soother, indicating that perhaps he had some kind of pain in his mouth. A valid point I thought.

The next morning, I decided it was time to find a paediatric dentist. I made the call and explained the situation. The receptionist was so great, she made me feel at ease and suggested that I come in right away so that they could have a look. I told her I was anxious about how he might react to all this and she reassured me all would be fine. The dentist and staff that work there have seen many children and a good number of them have special needs.

So I thought "what the heck, lets go for it" and two hours later Nathan and I were in the office. I filled out some paper work and then we met the dentist.

The dentist was unbelievable... ( in a good way) He introduced himself to Nathan and then me. He told us everything he was going to do and let Nathan touch all of his tools. He then told me, it's not uncommon for kids with RTS...... Wait a minute.... What???? A dentist who actually knows about RTS!!! As impressed as I was with the dentist, his staff and the entire office set up, my sweet little Nathan surprised me even more!!! Oh lets not get ahead of ourselves, he wasn't happy and he did whine BUT he did lay on me and let the dentist look in his mouth. Once the dentist was done, Nathan just sat on me and waited patiently. I couldn't believe it!!! Nathan's teeth are perfect. No issues at all. We just need to get a good cleaning done so we will go back next month.

After a brief talk with the dentist we went home. I told Nathan that we need to start brushing every night and that the dentist had given us a new toothbrush for him to do that with.

Here's Nathan brushing his teeth for the first time. I'm so impressed with him - seems that the oral aversion is lessening.

Wow - look at the water go down the drain... that sure is interesting!

Mommy is showing me how she brushes - it's kind of funny to watch. I think I might even like the sensation of this brush!

Yup - this feels alright! I think I might be okay with this.

I'm not fighting it, Mom's brushing and it's all good with me.

Look at my Mom! She's so proud of me because I didn't fuss or anything. She helped me brush my teeth for the first time tonight and I didn't get all stressed out!

I love you big boy and I'm super proud of you!

YOU DON'T KNOW JACK!

2011-01-30T22:14:00.000-08:00

Meet Jack!

He is now 5 months old.

How time has flown by....

We've been busy and I have lots to blog about but it's late now and I must get to bed.

I'll leave you with this picture for now.

Doesn't he just bring a smile to your face?

It's a Boy!

2010-08-19T15:29:00.001-07:00

Jack Michael Patrick Ashbee

Born at 10:30am on August 19th, 2010

Jack weighs 7 lbs 11 oz

Christine is doing great. See expects to be out of the hospital by Monday.

Jack is named after his great-grandfather and two of his uncles - Sean's brother Michael and Christine's brother Patrick.

More pictures to come...

Sean

P.S. Check out the iPad App the hospital is using and the machine that goes "ping."

Wordless Wednesday (Belly Shots)

2010-06-16T22:21:00.001-07:00

I know it's late but It's still Wednesday on the West Coast :)

- Christine's "Baby Daddy"

P.S. There will be more shots taken over the next two months...

Wordless Wednesday (Guest Poster = Dad)

2010-06-09T21:23:00.000-07:00

Wordless Wednesday

2010-06-02T21:38:00.001-07:00

We're moving to....

2010-05-19T18:22:00.000-07:00

SCHMOLLAND!!!!!!!
Nathan was diagnosed with Autism today. Yes that's right he has both RTS and Autism!!!! What are the chances of that???? I am both relieved and overcome with emotions upon this diagnosis. Relief because there's so much about Nathan's behaviour that didn't make sense to me. So much about him that I couldn't connect with or understand. I'm overcome because I have a whole new disorder to learn about.
Today is such a weird mix of emotions... I am absolutely exhausted as I type this. I have cried so much today and yet the diagnosis of Autism is a good thing because it will open up SO many more doors, so many more services and more funding to help Nathan. It's all in his best interest.
Nathan is still Nathan. That hasn't changed! He's still the same kid with the same challenges; the diagnosis has confirmed suspicions we have had for the past few months and will help us help Nathan the best we can. So now we pack our bags and move to Schmolland. I'm going to start researching this new world and once the initial shock settles I'm sure we'll adapt to living life in a new country.
I know many of you are familiar with the poem "Welcome to Holland" I am posting it again for those whom may not be familiar with it.
The second version "Welcome to Schmolland" is a version that hit close to home as it has been rewritten to reflect Autism.
Hope you enjoy them both. I will blog again soon but for tonight, I need to take in all of this... It's a big move and I hadn't planned on moving after Holland.

Welcome To Holland

by Emily Perl Kingsley

I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with a disability... to try to help people who have not shared the unique experience to understand it, to imagine how it would feel. It's like this: When you're going to have a baby, it's like planning a fabulous vacation trip... to Italy.

You buy a bunch of guidebooks and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum, Michelangelo's "David", The gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian.
It's all very exciting. After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go.Several hours later, the plane lands. The flight attendant comes and says, "Welcome to Holland." "Holland?" you say. "What do you mean,Holland? I signed up for Italy! I'm supposed to be in Italy. All my life I've dreamed of going to Italy." But there's been a change in the flight plans. They've landed in Holland and there you must stay.

The important thing is that they haven't taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place full of pestilence, famine and disease. It's just a different place. So you must go out and buy new guidebooks. You must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met. It's just a different place. It's slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you've been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills, Holland has tulips, Holland even has Rembrandts.

But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy, and they're all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And, for the rest of your life, you will say, "Yes, that's where I was supposedto go. That's what I had planned." And the pain of that will never ever, ever go away, because the loss of that dream is a very significant loss. But if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn't get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things about Holland.

Welcome to Schmolland

by Laura Krueger Crawford

In Schmolland, it is perfectly customary to lick walls, rub cold pieces of metal across your mouth and line up all your toys end to end. You can show affection by giving a "pointy chin." A "pointy chin " is when you act like you are going to hug someone and just when you are really close, you jam your chin into the other person s shoulder. For the person giving the "pointy chin" this feels really good, for the receiver not so much, but you get used to it. For citizens of Schmolland, it is quite normal to repeat lines from videos to express emotion. If you are sad, you can look downcast and say "Oh Pongo." When mad or anxious, you might shout, "Snow can't stop me!" or "Duchess, kittens, come on!" Sometimes, "And now our feature presentation" says it all. In Schmolland, there's not a lot to do, so our citizens find amusement wherever they can. Bouncing on the couch for hours, methodically pulling feathers out of down pillows, and laughing hysterically in bed at 4:00am, are all traditional Schmutch pastimes.

The hard part about living in our country is dealing with people from other countries. We try to assimilate ourselves and mimic their customs, but we aren t always successful. It s perfectly understandable that an 8-year-old boy from Schmolland would steal a train from a toddler at the Thomas the Tank Engine Train Table at Barnes and Noble. But this is clearly not understandable or acceptable in other countries, and so we must drag our 8 year old out of the store kicking and screaming while all the customers look on with stark, pitying stares. But we ignore these looks and focus on the exit sign because we are a proud people. Where we live, it is not surprising when an 8-year-old boy reaches for the fleshy part of a woman's upper torso and says, Do we touch boodoo? We simply say, "No we don't touch boodoo" and go on about our business. It's a bit more startling in other countries, however, and can cause all sorts of cross-cultural misunderstandings. And, though most foreigners can get a drop of water on their pants and still carry on, this is intolerable to certain citizens in Schmolland who insist that the pants must come off no matter where they are, and regardless of whether another pair of pants are present.

Other families who are affected by autism are familiar and comforting to us, yet are still separate entities. Together we make up a federation of countries, kind of like Scandinavia. Like a person from Denmark talking with a person from Norway, (or in our case someone from Schmenmark talking with someone from Schmorway), we share enough similarities in our language and customs to understand each other, but conversations inevitably highlight the diversity of our traditions. Oh your child is a runner? Mine won t go to the bathroom without asking permission. "My child eats paper. Yesterday he ate a whole video box." "My daughter only eats 4 foods, all of them white." "My son wants to blow on everyone." "My son can't stand to hear the word no. We can't use any negatives at all in our house." "We finally had to lock up the VCR because my son was obsessed with the rewind button."

A Weekend in Pictures (Guest Poster)

2010-05-16T22:43:00.001-07:00

Thinking about eating a fry from KFC...

Playing a little Kneebouncers...

Shooting some hoops...

Helping Daddy wash the car...

Hiding from the sprinkler...

Jumping for joy...

Smile number six...

Feeling sleepy...

Bunny Bear is tired too...

Goodnight.

Wordless Wednesday

2010-05-12T22:55:00.001-07:00

Mother's day

2010-05-11T21:20:00.000-07:00

On Sunday morning- Mother's Day

I woke up a little later than usual, I heard the laughter and giggling of happy children playing with their daddy....

I was greeted with much love by all...

I even cried because all of it was so meaningful and a little overwhelming.

The kids each worked hard on their own surprises....

Alyssa made me this very beautiful card,

a puppet and a special Walrus pin.

Nathan too has been working hard at school,

Here is the card he made for me and with it came a silk flower snow globe.

I just "love" his little hand flower

My wonderful husband treated me to a pedicure and a wonderful day of complete relaxation.

Being a mom is the best gift I've ever had.

I love being a mom and I'm excited about doing it again soon.!

Flashback Friday

2010-05-06T23:30:00.000-07:00

How Many Ways?

2010-04-24T00:32:00.000-07:00

Guest Poster: Nathan's Dad (Christine's Husband)

Mommy and Alyssa day!

2010-04-23T17:31:00.000-07:00

Friday was a special day for Alyssa and I.

I took the day off work and we spent the entire day doing all kinds of fun girly things. We started by having a bit of a sleep in followed by breakfast at home and then we went shopping in Sidney.... there's a little consignment store that has tons of great stuff for kids.... we found some books, a summer dress, new capri pants and we also found Maggie..... Alyssa fell in love with her and we had to take her home.

Here she is outside the store with Maggie

Then we drove to Brentwood Bay and met up with Daddy for lunch at Smittys. We hardly ever get the opportunity to go meet dad for lunch so that was fun.

Maggie and Alyssa shared the most amazing chocolate milk!

After lunch we went to the Victoria Butterfly gardens and saw some really neat things. Here are some of the pictures we took while visiting the gardens...

Just outside the entrance to Butterfly Gardens

Butterflies that had just come out of their cocoons, drying their wings

The biggest Moth I've ever seen . It's the size of both of my hands!!

Alyssa was terrified it was going to land on her head!

Pink Flamingoes!!

We never see those birds here in BC - It was neat to see them.

More Butterflies, there were so many different kinds and they were everywhere. One even landed on me and another landed on the camera. Made it hard to take a picture of it. That's one smart butterfly alright!

A quail... there were a few of them running around the gardens

Alyssa and I.

She was keeping a close eye on the butterflies. She was worried they would land on her. She was also worried about another bird that we saw that likes to peck feet. The bird is the size of a duck and has a long very narrow beak. He scared her and she then referred to the bird as

" the evil bird"

Then Alyssa had a mini spa experience at Lizzi Lee and Me. A kids salon here in town. Unfortunately the pictures are nowhere to be found. I'm not sure where they went to so I can't post any of them. Sorry!

Alyssa got her hair washed, cut and styled followed by a manicure, nail art, tattoo and ring. It was fun to watch her, she couldn't stop watching herself in the mirror.

We ended the day by stopping in at the library for some good books to take home.

I was completely pooped out but what a great day we had on our mommy daughter day.

Communication begins!

2010-04-22T22:37:00.000-07:00

March 17th, 2010- Nathan was introduced to Picture Exchange Communication Systems (PECS) at school and has responded quite well to it.

PECS is a great tool for helping non-verbal children communicate without words. PECS allows Nathan to make choices and communicate his needs by using pictures of desired objects (such as toys).

Here's how it works:

When Nathan wants an item, he gives the picture to his School Teacher or School Aid. The Teacher then hands Nathan the toy; this reinforces communication.

I'm so excited that this form of communication was introduced to Nathan and that he is picking it up as quickly as he is.

Here are some statements from his school over the past few weeks:

March 17th- Introduction to PECS, Nathan did great!

March 18th- Nathan worked on PECS again this morning, he was able to do it independently after 2 times.

March 19th - Nathan had another good day! We worked on PECS again today and he was a superstar!

March 25th - Nathan had a pretty good morning. He was a little fussy about doing PECS but we worked through it and got it done.

March 26th - Nathan had a good morning we worked on PECS and he was able to travel around 3 feet across the room to give me the card!!!

March 31 - Nathan had another good morning. We did some PECS work and it went really well.

April 12 - Nathan was looking at friend's PECS book (who had stolen a toy he was playing with). He found the card for the stolen toy and brought it to his friend. WOW!!!

April 15 - I am now going to be sitting with Nathan at lunch and doing PECS. We are doing PECS with one of his peers as you need two people for the first phase.

April 19- Nathan had a rough start to the morning, he was quite grumpy and was really into throwing things. He did snap out of it for a bit and we got some really good PECS work done

April 21- Nathan seemed a lot happier today! We have been working on PECS all week and we now have 4 highly preferred items that we are using. Nathan is very close to mastering Phase 1! We will most likely start Phase 2 next week. Phase 2 is called " DISTANCE and PERSISTENCE" which means Nathan will travel across the room to exchange the picture for what he wants. Oh! and Nathan is also exchanging pictures with his peers which is very cool!

I can't tell you how excited I am about this. Coming to terms with the very real possibility of having a non-verbal child was difficult. For the past two years I persisted and hoped that Nathan would grasp signing but to no avail.

In one month Nathan has progressed so much with PECS, it's absolutely unbelievable- I have to pinch myself. Obviously, this is Nathan's preferred method of communication. It's what works for him. I'm so thankful that Nathan is at this school. It's been great for him and the tools they are giving him are helping him in so many more ways than I ever thought possible.

Flashback Friday: Summer 2005

2010-04-16T19:41:00.000-07:00

Rathtrevor Beach, near Parksville, British Columbia

Nathan knows when he needs a nap...

2010-04-12T23:40:00.001-07:00

Today's Guest Poster: Nathan's Dad

I was looking after Nathan this weekend when he decided he needed a nap. He found Bunny Bear and a soother and went and climbed into his little bed. He fell asleep in a few minutes. I snapped this photo before I closed his drapes and covered him up.

A basket full of ....

2010-04-11T07:48:00.000-07:00

Hint 1- Of course none of you could figure out the sex of the baby. The ultrasound pictures are of the torso and head- you silly, silly mommies!!!

Hint 2- Was no hint at all because....

If the baby was a boy than Nathan would have a brother and a sister

if the baby was a girl than Alyssa would have a brother and a sister

A basket full of sunshine,

A house full of joy.

What could be sweeter,

Than a new baby boy.

The ultrasound technician had a difficult time telling us the sex of the baby as the cord was in the way. It took several attempts, but in the end, our technician felt fairly certain we are having a boy. I was shocked!! I actually thought we were having a boy but my track record has not been good so I wasn't expecting them to say boy. I thought I was having a boy with Alyssa and a girl with Nathan soooo I finally get it right third time around...

Now for names............. I have some in mind...... but I'm not tellin.......

Got to keep something a surprise..............

Cereal Killer

2010-04-10T11:06:00.000-07:00

'Twas early this morning, when all through the house

A creature was stirring, and it wasn't a mouse...

Hint about the sex of the baby:

"Now one of my children will have a brother and a sister..."

Answer will be in tomorrow's post...

We're having a...

2010-04-07T22:54:00.000-07:00

...well, I could tell you the sex of the baby, but it is more fun to let you see for yourself! Check out our ultrasound pictures:

Easter 2010

2010-04-05T21:28:00.000-07:00

Wow what a jam packed weekend we had. We haven't stopped! I am pooped out but if I don't blog about this now I never will... so here goes (This way I am forced to sit with my feet up and relax- so really it's a good thing!)

Good Friday was a busy day.

Nathan went to play at a friends house while Daddy, Mommy and Alyssa tackled outdoor chores. Not little ones... No we are all about the massive projects in this household. We started a project last year and we plan on finishing it before the summer so there's not much time... Last summer we had to fix a BIG retaining wall on the side of the house, 40 feet long and 6 feet high. We used massive bolders and had an exacavator in the yard to move them and build the wall. The original wall was made with railroad ties and it wasn't done properly so we decided to fix right. We completed the wall last summer and in early fall we built a nice fence around the area, which will soon be our outdoor patio... Anyway having an excavator roll around on the property didn't exactly help. It made quite a mess actually, all of the irrigation lines got destroyed along with a few trees and plants.

So because it was a long weekend (4 days) Sean decided to work on our irrigation system and get everything working again. Lots of digging, pipe fitting and cutting and adjusting. Now that the irrigation is working, I won't have to do any hand watering this year!!! YEAH! I did take some pictures but I will post the before and after pictures once everything is complete.... meaning once the patio is done!

Saturday was a fun day for the kids... we went to our friends house to pick our fresh farm eggs. Alyssa was all over it... Nathan.. not so much he was more about walking around and checking things out... He wasn't really sure what to make of the chickens, didn't seem really all that interested in them.

Here's Alyssa with our friend Keith getting ready to pick the chicken eggs

Wow there's lots of eggs in there! Here comes the first one!

Carefully placing them in the egg carton.

AnnaKate inspired us to get our "best big ol' hair bow" in for the visit

Here's the chicken who laid some of the eggs...

Alyssa was excited to pet and feed the chickens.

Meanwhile....

Grabber start exploring...

We posed next to the Koi pond to have a family picture taken. Keith has much nicer grass than we do at home, but that won't be for long, especially now that we have the sprinklers working!! (Can you tell I'm excited!)

Alyssa finished off her visit at Keith's house by jumping on his trampoline! What fun she had! Nathan was simply interested in watching her.

Sunday- The bunny came.... Oh and did I mention that when the bunny comes, no one seems to want to sleep in???? Why is that?

The Easter bunny left the kids some metal pails this year to collect their eggs.... THANKS BUNNY!!! I knew Nathan was up when I heard the pail on the kitchen floor going at 7:15 am...

He did find it next to his bed and did collect a few eggs along the way... but hey why collect eggs when you can spin and dump?

So Nathan was the first one out of bed and this is what he was doing.

It spins quite well this way..

and when I angle it more, it goes faster.

It even works upside down. Check it out!

Hey?? Where did all the eggs go?

Oh yeah...

I forgot I dumped them all out to spin the pail.

I'd say Nathan scored big time!! Look at all those eggs!

and Alyssa did just fine too! Look how pleased she is with her find

Later, we went to our friends house for Easter dinner. We had a Ham dinner and it was simply amazing. Alyssa and her friend Josh played and Nathan enjoyed playing with all the toys. We had a fabulous visit with out friend Matt and Janet, sue and Grandpa. We always have fun when we go there, Alyssa never wants to leave.. but she's always worn right out when we do. Nathan actually fell asleep in the car on the way home (something he never does) It was a good night for all.

Today was a fun day too! Nathan school organized a picnic lunch and Easter Egg hunt at a local park. The weather was beautiful, it was a perfect day. We played at the park for 3.5 hours, then came home and had our turkey dinner. The perfect way to end a long weekend...

Hope you had fun too!

Flashback Friday

2010-04-01T18:37:00.001-07:00

Flashback Friday

2010-03-12T19:37:00.001-08:00

Thanks for being there!

2010-03-11T20:50:00.000-08:00

Clearly yesterday was a bad day. I'd say I hit rock bottom.

Myssie- THANK you for suggesting that I blog. It has helped me a lot and I've connected with all of you because of it. Blogging in many ways has kept me from insanity and depression. I'm so thankful for that!!!!

I was afraid of posting my "real" feelings for fear of offending you. I don't think I realized that others shared the same feelings and that in itself gave me comfort (seems wrong somehow- but it did just the same) I felt your Love and Hugs and I really needed those yesterday- Thanks to all you for being there for me. This RTS journey is challenging and difficult and trying at the best of times, somedays are just so bad though. Although those days are less frequent now, when they do come they "hit" really hard. That was yesterday for me.

Thank you for being there and listening. I love you all!

I'm jealous!

2010-03-10T20:28:00.000-08:00

I've debated talking about this on my blog, but I view my blog as my therapy and so therefore I am going to blog about it. I in no way mean to offend anyone but the reality is, this is how I feel right now (perhaps some of this may be hormonal) regardless my feelings are true:

I have a sad heart because I feel like my little Nathan is so far behind. I know we aren't suppose to compare, I know each kid is wired differently, I know each kid will do it in his own time BUT that doesn't mean it doesn't hurt and that this journey isn't a hard mountain to climb.

I've seen my RTS mom friends go through a lot, I've seen them go through pain and frustration but I've also seen so much progress with their kids. Many eat by mouth now, many sign, some talk, some play with toys (actually play with them) not chuck them across the room, read books, identify colours, numbers and do puzzles.

Nathan is 31/2 years old and NONE of that is happening here. He has made a few sounds and has said " Mum Mum" a total of five times in his entire life. I have not heard him say it in months and no new sounds are developing. Only 1/3 of RTS sweeties are programmed to talk and realistically I don't believe Nathan is one of them. Okay fine- so he can learn sign or use PECS or communication devices- How do you even begin with all that?? Hasn't happened yet!

I've been working on signs with him for well over a year and he has yet to sign back. I just don't see how any communication is gonna work. If I ask him something, he doesn't engage in the conversation, not even with eye contact. He's not interested in reading books with me - he just pushes them aside. I know that he doesn't know his colours, he doesn't know the alphabet, he doesn't know numbers etc.... Then theres eating...

We have had NO progress in the eating department. A good friend, once told me, "Christine- there are no known RTS adults with feeding tubes- Nathan will eat- he will." I want to believe that but as each day passes it gets harder and harder to believe that. I think Nathan will be the first EVER RTS adult to be fully 100% tube -fed. I feel like giving up!! ( I know your all thinking Don't, be persistent, he will ) Well at what point is worth stressing him and me over eating??? Food is not anything he cares about. Food ALWAYS ENDS UP ON THE FLOOR. he doesn't even want to touch it. He will lick every surface on earth EXCEPT food. So again... tell me what the hell am I suppose to do?

I'm frustrated and jealous of the progress of all these other wonderful RTS kids, I just want one of them to be Nathan- Today I feel absolutely alone within my RTS family- I feel like we don't fit in. I'd like to say that I am a stronger person and a better person but TODAY I am jealous of you. I am jealous of your childs progress. TODAY- I HATE RTS with a PASSION- I just wish it would go away!!!!!!

Nathan Kneebouncer

2010-03-03T22:52:00.000-08:00

Respect- Something EVERYONE deserves

2010-03-03T17:55:00.000-08:00

Why do people feel that they can dismiss me as being over sensitive and taking things too personally when I ask that they please not refer to someone as "being retarded".
Calling someone a "nigger" is taboo or not politically correct. It's not accepted.
Saying "Oh my god" can be offensive to someone who is religious or swearing can be understood as offensive at anytime but when it comes to retarded, no one even bats an eye.

Yes the word retard is a word but to some of us it's much more than a figure of speech. According to Websters dictionary it can sometimes be offensive and means : slow or limited in intellectual or emotional development or academic progress. So many people used the word "RETARD" without thinking about it. Well I am asking you today, Think about it, think about what you are doing everytime you use that word in the ways that it was not intended!!

Think about people like Nathan because he falls in this category, think about all those other people out there who are being victimized and hurt. This is not about being a sensitive special needs mom, this is about standing up fro what i believe in and explaining to all of you who may never have thought about it this way:

When the word " retard" is used to degrade another person or essentially say that they are worthless or not as important that's hurtful.

Please be respectful. I'm only asking that you think before you speak, sometimes a simple word can have so much more meaning than you think.

Remember: It's not the word that is offensive, it's how it's used that is.

Wordless Wednesday - drawn by Alyssa

2010-02-24T14:19:00.000-08:00

So? ... How's it going at school?....

2010-01-21T22:10:00.000-08:00

Well it would appear that Mr. Nathan is doing quite well and adapting just fine in his new school! During the first week Nathan had some good and bad mornings, meaning the drop offs were a little difficult on some days. On the 5th day, the daily morning routine was essentially established, we barely have time to put Nathan's indoor shoes on, that he's already gone down the hall and is opening the door. (He has things to do, can't you see?!)

So just how well is it going? Read for yourself... these are comments written by his teachers in his communication book:

Jan 14th- Nathan is still very curious about the classroom, so he is not staying in one place for long. Nathan is taking lots of different work off the shelves. We played kneebouncers on the computer and went to the gym, were we danced and played with the parachute. He seemed to really like both. In he afternoon Nathan explored more of the classroom. He loves the dollhouse and especially the doll stroller. At circle time, Nathan laughed and he laughed, he enjoyed watching the other children.

Jan 18th - Nathan was a little grumpy to start but settled in. Our music teacher comes on Mondays and he seemed to enjoy it.

Jan 19th - Nathan seemed a bit sensitive today. Lots of moaning (whine sounds) throughout the day. He sounded sad, but also made the same noise while being redirected (i.e dumping material) He was very interested in other children when outside. He wanted to push the kids on the scooter and we explained to the children that his moaning was a way to ask to play. After that Nathan would chase (walk fast) the kids, and do it all over again. Awesome to watch!

Jan 20th - Nathan is showing us his more "assertive side" with more protesting while being redirected (Generally about removing objects he's mouthed) He's very interested in materials, and showing a lot of interest in kids. i.e yesterday while in after school care, Nathan requested to be picked up (arms up) he chose to do so while I was picking up another child and they both moaned at each other trying to be picked up. Fighting over me! So cute!

Jan 21st - In the morning, we worked with blocks, puzzles and the computer. Nathan also had gym, he is not really into the activities yet, but he is always watching the other kids.

This afternoon while outside he ran and played with Gavin. He would push Gavin to go down the hill and then moan for him to go back uphill. We explained that the pushing meant "go please" and the moaning was "more please" . Gavin would wait at the top of the hill for Nathan to come find him and then also at the bottom. So cute! He should be tired with all that exercise.

So there you have it... Nathan is making new friends, his teachers are helping him and doing such a wonderful job of it. In a week, Nathan has learned to sit down to put his shoes on, he has learned to hang on to the railing while going up and down the stairs ( it blew me away when I saw it) and wearing his glasses more often. We are having success in other areas too.. don't believe me? See for yourself....

Feeding Mommy is so much fun...

(I'm signing "more")

she's chewing all that stuff I just put in her mouth, it's kinda funny.

Aaww yes, doing my favorite thing ever. Playing on the computer

Kneebouncer.com Somehow things are looking a lot more clear today!

Working hard

and playing hard.

Batter Watch Out!

2010-01-20T20:58:00.000-08:00

First Day of School!!!.

2010-01-12T22:24:00.001-08:00

Guest Poster: Sean Ashbee (Nathan's Dad)

Nathan started pre-school today. He is going to a Montessori school that is right on my way to work so I'll be dropping him off and picking him up most days. I brought him in a little late this morning so he would have a shorter day to get used to his new environment. I expected to stay for about an hour to answer a few questions and take some pictures. Nathan had other plans...

Nathan seemed happy enough as he walked up to his school with Bunny Bear.

Nathan's new pre-school.

Nathan was fine when he got to the door. When we went inside there were three women waiting for him: Darlene, Crystal, & Pam. Darlene will be his primary aid and Crystal and Pam will back her up. Nathan was a little overwhelmed and immediately turned and fled. Nathan was crying. I picked him up for what I expected would be five minutes or so to let him calm down. Five minutes turned into an hour!

This picture makes Christine cry, but he wasn't this way for very long.

I sat with Nathan and the three aids and we tried to come up with a toy that would distract him. We tried all the noisy toys that he normally responds really well to: a piano, a guitar, maracas. The maracas were the best - he started to laugh a little, took them in his hand, and then promptly threw them. But, the breakthrough came when Crystal went downstairs and got a "caterpillar ball thingy."

Nathan playing caterpillar ball. Left to right: Crystal, Pam (hidden), Darlene.

We had a lot of time to talk and his aids had great questions. This school is about 30% special needs kids, which to me feels just right. Everyone has a really welcoming attitude towards special needs and it feel like a really warm and supportive environment. Christine and I will be meeting with the staff on Thursday afternoon to discuss Nathan's curriculum (algebra, etc.).

Once Nathan was off my lap he started walking around and found toys to play with, things to grab, and baskets of toys to dump out. In other words he was happy doing what he loves best.

I think we've found a great school for Nathan. I'm sure Christine will have many more stories to tell you about it as the year goes on. I might even do a few posts myself - I certainly look forward to taking more pictures.

Sean (the Dad)

Introducing......

2010-01-11T18:01:00.000-08:00

My nephew and new cousin to Alyssa and Nathan

Liam Patrick Lizin

Born at 12.08pm on 8th January 2010,

weighing a very healthy 8lbs 14oz

First family photo

My brother Patrick, sister-in-law Louise and the new little Prince Liam

Look at that face!!!

I want to smother it with kisses!!!

I have to plan a trip to England now!!!!

Ahhhhhh Patrick you look so happy! I love you and miss you so much!

You are an awesome uncle and your an awesome Dad- I can already see it!

Now go smother that kids with lots of kisses from his auntie Christine!

He's in!

2010-01-08T22:00:00.000-08:00

I haven't blogged in a while as we've had quite a few things going on in our lives.... lets call them character building experiences. Truly testing my stress levels and taking them up a thousand notches.

Let me explain... In mid November, our primary daycare provider- Tanya phoned to say that her children were sick with the flu. So I had to take one week off work because we don't have back up daycare for Nathan. My friend Janna, has on occasion taken care of Nathan, but was unable to help us out because she had to work, so I took advantage of the time off with Nathan to enjoy some mommy/son time. The following week, I got a phone call from Tanya; she's in emergency with her daughter Lilly. Her fever has spiked, and she's been admitted to paediatrics, one of her kidneys is not functioning- Lilly is two and this underlying condition came about after she had gotten H1N1. (Miraculously- Nathan managed to escape contracting the virus, I'm really not sure how because he was around them the whole time)

So with Lilly in the hospital, we were once again without care for Nathan. I went to work and Sean stayed home with Nathan and had some Daddy/son time. The following week Tanya phoned and explained that Lilly was feeling better and that they were home from the hospital- all was good and Nathan could come back to daycare on Monday.

On Monday afternoon, Sean gets a call at work asking him to please come and pick Nathan up from the hospital, Lilly has been readmitted, things are much worse....

That night Sean and I discussed our options: who was going to stay home from work because everyone we know works and we have no other person who knows the tube feeds... So we alternated- both my work and Sean's work have been extremely accommodating through all of this. My friend Janna had stated that she was off between Christmas and New Years and so she agreed to take Nathan during that week while we had to work, except that when that time came, Janna's entire family got sick with the flu again.... so back to square one ( I was seriously thinking: Someone's got it out for me! Can you believe my luck??? So I took time off with no pay and Sean used up all of his vacation days. In the meantime I was phoning daycare centres, asking for availability: Nothing, "we can add him to the list" they say. Yes he's 101st child or the attitude on the phone was less than favorable when asking about the integration of special needs. "What's he got?" was one response, or we don't have room. I cried almost every night! Why am I being tested like this??? What have I done?

I contacted a centre in town called the Cridge Centre, they were advertising for 3-5 yrs old spots. I called and made an appointment, the centre was great, they were happy to take Nathan but in the end Nathan could not be placed in this daycare because he requires his own aid, and that would throw off the adult to child ratio!!! GREAT!! Another road block... Seriously, did I tick someone off, again why is this so hard???

I emailed a Montessori style daycare, explained my desperation, explained that my son had RTS, I'm not sure why but I poured my heart out in this email. The woman who responded to my email said that she did not have room, but that she would add me to her wait list. A few days later she called me, she said that she was very moved by my email and said that she used to work for a school called Island Montessori, they have have a full-day preschool program as well as before and after school care. The Montessori school works closely with Queen Alexandra early intervention and are aware of the needs and requirements of children with special needs. Therefore all his therapy would continue and be supported at the school. The staff on site deal with all kinds of special needs. She had called the school and asked if they could accommodate Nathan. She asked if it would be okay for the school to contact us to find out more. I said, "absolutely- Thank you so much!

Well we ended up waiting almost 3 weeks for an answer...with the school closed over the holidays and our government support worker unable to reach someone and then on holidays herself, things dragged out. On Wednesday of this week (Jan 6) we received the long awaited phone call. Nathan has been accepted to Island Montessori. His first day will be Tuesday Jan 12th. Sean will go to school with him for a few hours so I should have plenty of pictures to share with you.

We are thrilled that Nathan has been accepted. He will grow and learn and I suspect we will see big changes in his growth and development.

There is light at the end of the tunnel, the day we got the news that Nathan had been accepted , I was going to ask for a leave from work because we had nothing lined up for the following week. I'm so glad I didn't have to! When Sean phoned me at work to tell me Nathan had been accepted, I felt overwhelmed and burst into tears. My supervisor came running over, everyone was concerned that something bad had happened. I could only say, "I'm ok- these are tears of joy- He's in... Nathan's in!"

Happy Birthday Jelly Bean!

2009-12-07T23:17:00.001-08:00

Tuesday December 7th 2004 at 12:14 am you were born. All my dreams came true that morning. You made me a mother. It's the greatest gift I've ever had in my life.

That was five years ago today, I can hardly believe it.

This is you at 10 minutes old... so quiet, so content

9 months old

Our first Family photo with you at 10 months

You at one and a bit, showing me all your teeth!

this picture always brings a smile to my face.

two years old

3 years old- sharing a laugh with the Grabber

Willows Beach- one of your favorite places to play.

4 years old...

Five years later...

Alyssa, you are such a wonderfully brilliant and talented child. You are so thoughtful and loving. I am so very proud of you! Happy Birthday Jelly Bean!

Surprise for Alyssa

2009-12-01T22:39:00.000-08:00

Having a December baby can sometimes be challenging, especially when trying to plan a birthday party. The weather this time of year makes it challenging to do something outdoors and finding an activity that is different but fun for all can be difficult. Alyssa is our December baby and she will be five on December 7th. This year we planned an early surprise birthday party for Alyssa. She had no idea and that made it so fun.

This past Saturday was a gloomy, rainy day and I asked her what she wanted to do. I suggested to her that maybe we should go to the mall. She hesitated but then agreed to come.

Once there, we walked over to the Build-a-Bear store. Then Alyssa noticed a friend of hers in the store, then another and then another. All of a sudden, one of the employees said, "Who's here for Alyssa's birthday Party?" Alyssa seemed a little confused. She knows her Birthday is December 7th, so she wasn't sure what to make of it at first. So here's how things went.

The first thing is to pick your stuffy.... Alyssa picked a beautiful pink Unicorn.

Then each stuffy needs to be stuffed and the kids get to help.

Then all the kids sat in a circle and named their stuffed animals, said something special about it and each one grabbed a heart and made a special wish for Alyssa's birthday. All of the birthday wish hearts were then put into Alyssa's stuffed Unicorn, whom she named "Rachel."

Then it 's time to groom

and pick an outfit .... mmm so much to chose from

and dress them

Rachel "the Unicorn" looks mighty fine in her Wizard outfit!

Each friend , signed a special bear for Alyssa.

It was a special gift to her from all of them

and I tried to get a "little" creative (nothing Martha like though)

I made Bear cupcakes to go

and packaged them all up for each guest at the party

Thanks Everyone for helping us surprise Alyssa! We had so much fun! Everyone got a Build-a-Bear, a cupcake bear to go and a huge smile on their face.

Complete satisfaction!

Wordless Wednesday

2009-11-25T15:51:00.000-08:00

Getting Crafty!

2009-11-23T21:33:00.000-08:00

Well the holiday season has started and we are trying to be a little bit more crafty this year. I'm not one to go crazy over crafts but I do enjoy making the odd holiday craft here and there. The other day Alyssa and I went over to Michael's Craft store and we got some paper and stamps and thought it might be fun to try making some Christmas cards for her classmates and some of her teachers. We set up shop at the dining room table last night and then I thought to myself.. why not get Nathan involved. I haven't done any craft like things with him EVER. So here's how it went...

I gave him a piece of paper and showed him how the markers worked

( Thank Goodness everything is washable)

I did most of the lines on that piece of paper with ball like markers. (the baby beginner kind) To Nathan these ball like markers are just that, a ball. So I really shouldn't have been surprised when he attempted to bounce them. I skipped that step and went straight for regular markers.... Of course they go in his mouth because that's what he does with all non-food items.

Then he decided he was all done... until...

he remembered how fun it was to chew the pen

(check out the marks on his face and down his neck)

New bright yellow piece of paper makes it more interesting. Hey and this pen is a different colour. I'm thinking this is pretty facinating.

So, Mommy drew a crazy happy face and she used this pen to do it... hhmmmm

I'm gonna try with two and see what happens...

Ohhh wow.. Look at this.. This is how Mommy showed me.

I'm enjoying drawing!

I put his drawing in our dining room for all to see. I am so proud of Nathan. I wasn't sure he'd even be interested but he sure surprised me. I can't wait to do more with him!

HALLOWEEN

2009-11-05T23:03:00.000-08:00

Halloween has come and gone and I'm already behind in posting about it.

Here' s quick look at what we did on Halloween. My pictures were pretty limited.

We carved pumpkins and Alyssa really didn't want anything to do with pumpkin guts ( I don't blame her- I can't stand it either)

We did six pumpkins but for some reason I only have these three

Here are some of our carvings

Alyssa's pumpkin

Alien pumpkin

Sean's transformer pumpkin

Then it was time for trick or treats and well....

the Grabber wasn't into it.

Doesn't he look so unimpressed. He hated that costume and wanted it off so this is the only picture of Nathan in his Halloween costume. There was no interest in carrying a bucket around either, simply throwing and tossing it around.

Alyssa on the other hand had no issues with trick or treats...

Just look at this little kitty

The " I got CANDY dance"

Hope you all had a nice Halloween...

and now it's time to start thinking about Christmas

baby steps...

2009-10-29T22:37:00.001-07:00

Well we are slowly moving forward... I mean slowly... slower than a snail on a slow day but it's still some progress so I'll have to remain focused on that. Tonight, Nathan sat in his big boy chair without the computer or books or toys...and he didn't fuss. Our family sat down for dinner. We usually offer Nathan the same foods we eat but up until tonight he has always pushed the plates away (it's like he knows) tonight was different..

Tonight, he seemed interested in the rice in his bowl. He touched it with his hands. I offered him a spoon to play with but he wanted to touch. I have to say I was shocked because the rice was sticky and with Nathan's sensory issues he usually freaks out or flat out refuses to touch.

However tonight that was not the case...

Look at that.. He's right in there with both hands... After about 5 minutes he started getting agitated and whiny. He wanted his hands cleaned. He absolutely loves when I use the face cloth on his hands, he gets the cutest smile when we wash his hands.

I still can't believe he touched and played with the rice

and then put his mouth all over the bowl...

Hopefully one day these baby steps will lead

our Little Grabber to eat...

Spooky Ghost house

2009-10-23T23:11:00.000-07:00

Alyssa and I made a spooky house out of gingerbread tonight in preparation for our little Halloween party in a weeks time.

We had lots of fun making it and it is now our center piece on the dinning room table.

Alyssa did all the decorations!

I think she did a fantastic job! Don't you?

Tomorrow we will start carving all the pumpkins for our garden display...

Picture almost perfect...

2009-10-22T20:53:00.000-07:00

For the past three years, we've wanted to get family photos done. The last photos we had done were back when Alyssa was 10 months old... so a little out of date to say the least. We haven't managed to get much cooperation from the Grabber for any photos... there's simply too much to do and too much to look at (except the camera, which he rarely looks at).

So here are the picture almost perfect... but close enough Fall 2009 Family shots...

Wordless Wednesday

2009-10-21T21:00:00.001-07:00

Mesmerized

2009-10-20T21:41:00.000-07:00

Look what my grandma and grandpa got me!

Thanks so much- Merci, merci...

There's a little button, and Mommy showed me how to turn it on. Now I'm really fascinated with it because I can do it by myself- I push the button down and all the colourful lights turn on. Everyone knows how much I like gadgets with lights...

It's like this thing was made for me. Yes, it's very interesting.

Looks at this.... It even works when I'm lying down.

Nathan's big boy chair

2009-10-17T10:48:00.000-07:00

Earlier this week I met with Nathan's OT and Speech therapist to discuss what we should be doing to create a positive feeding experience. There's just so much involved around eating. Eating requires a lot of coordination and the use of all your senses. I never actually stopped to think about all the steps one has to take to get to swallowing. Nathan's therapist referred me to a great site called popsicle. This site raises awareness that feeding issues are a medically compromising problem that affects many families daily.

This said, it will be a long, long, long time before Nathan eats....I think I'm just starting to come to terms with that. The therapist have told me it could be four years or more... (sigh) Bottom line is that eating is a learned behavior and he must learn all over again. So here we are...

We have a new big boy chair, so that Nathan can be with us at the table during mealtimes (Bye bye high chair). The simple move from a high chair to this new feeding chair has been challenging for Nathan. He doesn't like it all that much. He cries and I must be within sight for him to be sort of okay with it and he still doesn't want to be in it. So we have moved to a reward program. If he sits in his feeding chair at the table, he can then play with the laptop (one of his favorite things to do) The laptop works the best but we do try with other toys and books. I usually give him a bolus feed while he sits in his chair so that he can associate a positive feeling of fullness when he sits in his chair. The goal is to have him sitting at the table with us, hearing us talk about food, smelling food and touching and experimenting and eventually trying to eat as we do by showing him how we eat.

Playing his favorite website game

with some help from his older sister

I love his new chair. It's a great way for him to be at the table with us participating in mealtime. Alyssa loves it too! She's always asking to sit in it! Doesn't Nathan look so grown up sitting there?

Wordless Wednesday

2009-10-14T22:30:00.000-07:00

Happy Thanksgiving!

2009-10-12T08:52:00.000-07:00

Meet Mr. Dindon ( Mr. Turkey).

Alyssa made him at school on Friday and was so excited to show him to us. I think she did a wonderful job! He was delicious too!

Happy Thanksgiving

Everyone!

September

2009-10-11T08:14:00.000-07:00

ALYSSA

For years I've been hearing from good friends who have school aged children just how crazy September is but I never got it, until this year.

This year, Alyssa started Kindergarden. Kindergarden!!! Can you believe it? That means I'm a school aged parent now! It was quite the experience. I thought that on the first day of school you just sent your child to school and the schedule started as normal from there.... but no that would be much too simple.

Let me explain: September 8th was the first day of school for children that have already attended school the previous year. New kindergarden kids, got one hour either on the Thursday or Friday to introduce them to their new teacher and surroundings. There are many kids who have never attended daycares and or preschool so the entire experience to them is very scary. It hadn't occurred to me because Alyssa has done both daycare and preschool and so it's no surprise to us that she settled in with no issues. The actual first day of school wasn't till the following week. So Alyssa ended up going on the Thursday. When Alyssa got to school there were numerous children in her class who were crying and moms that were tearing up ( I know I would have been one of them had I been the one dropping her off- so thanks Sean for going in my place). When Alyssa got to the classroom she looked around and walk up to the person who most clearly was her teacher and this is the conversation that took place:

Alyssa: "where's my cubby?"

Teacher: "your cousin?"

Alyssa: Holding her back pack up a little higher as to say these things I'm holding. "to put my backpack in ?"

Teacher shows her where her cubby is.

Alyssa: " Oh and a another thing... what's the spanich word for cat?"

Teacher: " well I'm not sure because I don't speak spanish.. This is a french classroom, so I can teach you the french word for cat. Would you like to know how to say cat in french?"

Alyssa: "yes"

Teacher: " Chat"

and there was the start of the student/ teacher bond. Alyssa loves Mlle . Freemans class. She's learnt a lot already and is constantly singing away in French. It's so neat to see her develop and learn. I love it. Here she is leaving the house with her new backpack. Doesn't she look so proud? You can click on any of the pictures to get a better look.

Along with the start of school was the start of swimming lessons. Alyssa has done fantastic. She's really been enjoying her lessons and has worked really hard. Here she is with her classmates of her last day of swimming lessons. Here's what her swim teacher had to say:

Great job Alyssa!! Keep up the awesome swimming. Don't forget to keep your legs super straight and keep them moving fast and little!! Keep up the awesome swimming!

She passed her level and is now moving on to Red Snapper

Way to go Kiddo!

We are so proud of you!

This was just a cute moment where she wanted to take a picture of herself and her ponies. She hit the timer on the camera and ran over to the couch. I just thought it was cute and wanted to share with you.

Alyssa on a Saturday night all cuddled up in mom and dad's bed watching a show before bed. If you haven't noticed by now... We are indeed an apple family!

NATHAN

What's this grabber been up to? Well he has discovered ketchup chips? Really. This kid is all about things that are salty. Don't even try sweets they will get rejected right away. Ketchup though is at the top of the list, he enjoys the taste enough to lick and relick the bowl and get the seasoning all over his face and his fingers.
If I write a letter to Heinz explaining that my son has a serious aversion to food but that ketchup is the only thing he eats, do you think that they would send me a lifetime supply of free ketchup?
He's really into it. Look at him. He spent at least 20 minutes playing and touching and licking this bowl. He's never spent that long before.

Is there more?

mhhmmmmmmmmm... ketchup chips

Nathan has been developing more each day. Here are some of his accomplishments:

- Removing his own socks

- Removing his top

- Climbing on park structures a lot more with the help of mom

- Saying : mum mum a lot more lately.

- Going to his room and looking at books by himself. turning the pages and playing with the sound buttons all by himself. At times he will be in there for 20 minutes at a time.

- Climbing up and down the stairs a lot more.

- Being more communicative (non-verbal) in his needs. Takes his bunny bear and soother and goes to his crib and ask to go in when he is tired or has a mini freak out if you change the show on TV and he wants to watch it.

- He recognizes his surroundings. Laughs and giggles in the morning during the commute down twisty roads. Knows the way to the little park up the road. Will easily lead the way when we go for walks.

I thought I would end this post with the cuteness of our little Grabber!

He is after all such a happy boy!

Little one- a gift to remember you by.

2009-09-30T15:51:00.000-07:00

Today I needed to do something that would help me in grieving the loss of our little one. I decided to buy a special charm for my charm bracelet.

The baby was due in April and so diamonds is what I chose.

This charm represents my third child.

I have placed this charm next to Alyssa and Nathan's charm.

Just Those Few Weeks

2009-09-29T09:33:00.000-07:00

This is a very deficult time for our family... We were expecting a little one in April 2010. A special surprise for all of us. We were all very excited. Yesterday, things did not go so well and we lost our little one at 12 weeks. I'm so sad, I was just getting ready to share my news with the world.

I don't want this baby to be forgotten.

Baby..... My eyes hurt from all the tears I've cried since I found out you passed away. Such a loss to our family. Your dad and I are so sad but we want you to know just how much we love and miss you. I know I'll see you someday, but that may be a while as I still have things to do here on earth. You will be in my heart forever. This poem is for you my sweet little one...

For those few weeks

I had you to myself.

And that seems too short a time

to be changed so profoundly.

In those few weeks

I came to know you...

and to love you,

You came to trust me with your life.

Oh, what a life I had planned for you!

Just those few weeks

When I lost you,

I lost a lifetime of hopes,

plans, dreams and aspirations...

A slice of my future simply vanished overnight.

Just those few weeks

It wasn't enough time to convince others

how special and important you were.

How odd, a truly unique person has recently died

and no one is mourning the passing.

Just a mere few weeks

And no "normal" person would cry all night

over a tiny, unfinished baby,

or get depressed and withdraw day after endless day.

No one would, so why am I?

You were just those few weeks my little one

you darted in and out of my life too quickly.

But it seems that's all the time you needed

to make my life so much richer

and give me a small glimpse of eternity.

A poem on miscarriage by Susan Erling

Exhausting day

2009-08-17T17:23:00.001-07:00

Well it all started with me finding Nathan's Mic-key button (feeding tube) on the floor next to his crib this morning at 6:30 AM. My heart sank as it always does when this happens. This time it happened in the middle of the night and yes the stoma had closed up and I was unable to get his button back in. The stoma was closed up, I've never seen it that way before so it must of happen early in the night (6 to 8hrs before i found it on the floor) The Mic-key balloon had a huge hole in it which is why it came out and unfortunately the one he had in his tummy was my back up ( I changed it two weeks ago).... Just my luck....

Fortunately Nathan had another back up button at Mimi's house (where he sometimes goes for respite care) and so we had to track down the manager of the respite home to try and get the spare button as the hospital does not have any on hand. We did eventually get it but that took about 2 hours, so while Sean did all the tracking down of people and running around I waited in emergency with Nathan as he had been admitted. ( yes so much fun isn't it?)

The ER nurse then thought that a pediatric Dr up in surgical daycare might be able to re-insert his button but we later found out that Dr. Golonka ( Nathan's surgeon who did the g-tube) is actually off on Maternity leave with twins and the other Surgeon is on holidays until August 31. My hear sank again... Now what? Were we going to have to go to Vancouver to Childrens hospital to have surgery to re-open his stoma????

No... we got sent back down to emergency and the ER Dr was amazing.. He tried to re-insert but Nathan was in too much pain. I lost it, I was crying... my baby was hurting too much. The ER Dr then suggested we sedate Nathan and then he could gradually open the stoma up by inserting different sized catheters into his stoma, stretching it. As Nathan has had a g-tube for sometime, the stoma was well established and it was just a matter of trying to reopen, but to do that without hurting Nathan would require sedation. I worried about complications with sedation and RTS but Nathan has never reacted to any previous sedations and the ER Dr. reassured me he would probably be OK. So I decided that was the best option (avoiding surgery) It worked and Nathan wasn't in any pain. The Mic-Key re-inserted and no complications with sedation meant that we could finally go home. We left the emergency room at 1:45pm to come home. I gave him a bit of tylenol as his stoma was tender to the touch, but aside from that he seemed to be his normal self. He had a drunk like appearance until about 4:30 or so when the sedation finally wore off. They had warned us that this might happen.

I'm absolutely exhausted but so relieved that we were able to get that Mic-key button back in without surgery to do it.

Did I mention today was a vacation day from work? Some day huh?

iGrabber

2009-08-07T21:32:00.000-07:00

Nathan was playing Peek-a-boo at:

http://www.kneebouncers.com/

Birthday Weekend - Part 3

2009-07-24T21:55:00.000-07:00

The backyard where we played most of the weekend

Sierra and Alyssa

Sean enjoying a swim

Mommy and Nathan playing in the water

We had so much fun in the water

Alyssa loved floating around with her little bro.

Those water wings made her fearless in the water

and bear...

it all made for a great birthday weekend

Birthday Weekend - Part 2

2009-07-22T23:12:00.000-07:00

The birthday Jello

Nathan does not eat orally, so we thought we would try Jello. We dressed it up with a banana piece and put three candles on it and then sang Happy Birthday. The birthday song was cut short because it really freaked him out. He did not like it one bit. Once we stopped singing and put the Jello on the tray he was okay.

I showed him with a spoon, the Jello. He seemed a little interested

Then I made him touch it, he didn't like it and wasn't thrilled with it at first but...

I persisted and made him taste it while he reached out to touch the Jello on his own

and in the end he played with his Jello a little bit. This was a huge accomplishment for us. Nathan you really are a big boy now!

Birthday weekend - Part 1

2009-07-19T21:37:00.000-07:00

Friday was Nathan's 3rd birthday and we decided to go to Vancouver. Some good friends of ours live over there and we spent the weekend with them. On Saturday, Jason (a family friend) brought over a little dog named Lulu and Nathan LOVED her, he couldn't stop laughing. She's full grown and really the prefect size for him. Nathan played( throwing the ball) with Lulu for almost 40 minutes and he was laughing so much that in the end he ended up giving himself hiccups. It was wonderful to watch him laugh and have so much fun, the dog was happy too. I have lots more to share from the weekend but for tonight I'm just going to post the video as it's getting late.

Stay tuned for more tomorrow.

Happy Birthday!

2009-07-17T00:44:00.000-07:00

My sweet little Nathan

Look how much you've changed in three years.

July 17th, 2006

4 months-

11 months old

2nd Birthday

and

today as a toddler

trying your new bike out.

Those are some pretty cool new wheels you got for your Birthday.

Now you can be just like your big sister.

It wasn't a mouse...

2009-07-13T20:39:00.001-07:00

that nibbled on the cookie, it was a little boy named Nathan...

I tried to get a picture of Nathan with the cookie in his mouth, but he sees me coming with the camera and he chucks the cookie on the floor. I guess he just doesn't want me documenting the progress.

I'm VERY excited that Nathan likes this cookie. I've given him this cookie on three other occasions and he's put it in his mouth each time. I'd say it's a hit!

The forever struggle

2009-07-05T10:41:00.000-07:00

Yes...It's eating.

Nathan can't eat and has to be tube fed. It seems like a life curse. I keep trying and all I hear from everyone is that these things take time. It takes time to learn how to eat. It will be a long process... blah blah.. tell me the reality already. Am I just living in some dream world because it kind of feels like it? Will my son ever eat by mouth? 3 years and no real progress.

Nathan has a huge aversion to food and it's pretty hard to push him ( but I do or at least I try) to taste or get anything in his mouth. Other than Nathan touching food and occasionally or should I say accidentally putting something to his lips, I have seen nothing else. He shows no interest in food and I also believe that he doesn't know what it is.

These pictures are from this morning, while once again trying to get him to eat.

Yes... he touches food, and this is good

If there's a bowl he'll put anything in it because it's his favorite thing to do

then he discovers the texture isn't so great and he'll

make a face

but he'll continue to play with the bowl

because spinning bowls is an obsession for him

Our little grabber doesn't grab everything... it's like he knows. Look at that face! I love that Face but I'm tired and frustrated, truthfully I'm sick of everything.

When Alyssa was a baby I didn't analyze every little thing so why do we do it with our special needs kids? Some very good friends of mine deamed RTS to be REALLY TOUGH SHIT. Today I couldn't agree more. I am frustrated beyond belief.

Last week we met with our social worker because I had questions about Nathan and school, he will have an aid but a reccomendation to which school can not be made because they are not allowed to make recommendations. GRRRREAT! So the therapist and Dr's are the experts but I can't get a reccomendation for which school would be the best for my son. That's just perfect- That's like going to a Dr. (an expert in their field) and the Dr' saying that they can diagnose the condition but can't recommend treatment! It's ridiculous!

AT the end of August we are meeting with all of Nathan's therapist and were going to put together another action plan. I know this will be good but I kinda feel like just shrugging my shoulders and saying "whatever"

I needed to vent and this is where I can do it. My blog keeps me sane and keeps me from having huge therapy bills...

I will add for those of you that have been asking me about Nathan height and weight that he weighs 27.4 lbs and is 3ft tall. His head circumference is 17 1/4 inches.

I had a quick look at the RTS growth chart for boys and if I read it correctly, this means that he's at about the 50% percentile for both height and weight. I'll have that confirmed when I get a new pediatrician.

Douglas Richard Ashbee

2009-07-03T20:30:00.000-07:00

Here is the slideshow that I played at my father's memorial service. There are some great pictures of my dad as a child. Sorry it took a while to get it online.

Bookmark this page if you want to check back to find out how our family is doing. Although Nathan is the focus of the blog Christine includes other family happenings as well.

Sean

Remembering you on your Birthday

2009-07-02T22:35:00.001-07:00

Alyssa put a special birthday cake sticker on the calendar so that we would remember to call you and wish you a Happy Birthday. She doesn't really understand that you have left us. She seemed puzzled today when I said that we couldn't call you. She was excited about your birthday because birthdays mean presents and cake. Who doesn't love birthdays right?

You have been in our thoughts today. I certainly hope that friends and family that have past on have at least thrown you some kind of party on the other side. I can almost hear you laugh...

Happy Birthday Grandpa, we miss you. You would have been 62 today.

Wordless Wednesday

2009-07-01T14:55:00.001-07:00

Off to meet my friends....

2009-06-24T15:41:00.001-07:00

I'm hours away from hoping on a plane to Florida!

So have a great weekend everyone. I'll tell you all about it when I get back.

Girls... see you tomorrow at one ish- can't wait!

My New Ride

2009-06-23T11:25:00.000-07:00

1990 BMW 525i- It's older but it's a pretty sweet ride. Has new engine, new shocks, brakes, new tires. It's basically a new car underneath. Leather interior and fully loaded. Kids love it and so do we. We've been looking for a 2nd vehicle for a whle and this one just seemed to work for us.

Sadness in my heart today

2009-06-21T19:02:00.000-07:00

Today should be a happy day. It's father's day and it's our wedding anniversary ( 6 years) but

today my heart is filled with sadness because my father in-law passed away. He was admitted to hospital two days ago and died last night at 9pm. He was 61 years old.

His battle with cancer was short and painful. I'm relieved to see that he is no longer in pain but sad that he is no longer here in body.

Sean and Alyssa were fortunate enough to have visited him two weeks ago and had an opportunity to see him one last time. No pictures were done during their visit as he was too ill and did not want to be photographed.

Sean has left for Edmonton today to deal with funeral details, take care of other legalities and find homes for the animals.

Sean has requested that I not cancel my trip to Florida. I explained to him that I didn't feel right about it. I have a mental image of him sitting at his fathers funeral while I'm enjoying a umbrella drink by the pool side with my long lost friends... Do you see why I'm struggling with it? It just seems wrong. Seems like I don't care.

He says I should go and have fun. I planned this trip months ago, and there was no way for me to know that this would happen. He even bought me a new camera a few weeks ago so that I could take lots of pictures on my trip ( I can't use his camera- I find it too complicated).

This is a picture of the three generations and the last time I saw my father-in-law 2 years ago.

Doug , Nathan and Sean

at the Edmonton airport in 2007

"I Heart You"

2009-05-07T22:30:00.000-07:00

So we came home from work today, took the kids out of the car and unpacked all our bags as we always do. As soon as I put Nathan in the house he ran down the hall to Alyssa's room. He absolutely loves her room. Why the facination with her room you ask? So many cool toys like barbie cars, my little ponies and tons of things to dump out of storage boxes (that's the best- make the mess and then move on to something else- drives me crazy) or maybe it's because he discovered something with buttons....

Look at his fingers and how busy he is typing. He absolutely loves this program. Everytime he presses a key on the keyboard it tells him what shape or number it is, once there are two many shapes or number on the screen it goes clear and then starts up again.

My Little Grabber was right into it.

Do you think he's sending me an email?

Nope, no email but he did type me a message.

Do you see it?

He typed a "heart" and a "U" twice.

Update on Grandpa

2009-05-03T13:51:00.000-07:00

Please keep Nathan and Alyssa's grandpa in your thoughts and prayers. Last week the cancerous growth was removed and we are awaiting the results of the biopsy ( I guess to find out more about what kind of cancer it is and if it has spread more etc.), however during the surgery, Doug (a.k.a grandpa) suffered small heart attack (this is the 2nd heart attack in less than a year, first one was quite severe). They need to put a stint in his artery and it will take him about a month to recover. Grandpa cannot eat orally at all. He has a g-tube ( just like Nathan's) and he takes all liquids, meds and any food through his tube. He's currently still in the hospital. Eventually he will be released and it is expected that he go home with the feeding tube - no update on how long he will have it but my guess is it could be a while. Both Sean and I are hopeful that he will stay with Uncle Ken and aunt Jody but we're not sure if he'll take them up on their offer to stay with them. He lives by himself on 4 acres in a big house. Having family around to help him through this is just what he needs. Sean and I would like him to reconsider a move to BC once he recovers.

My new alarm clock

2009-04-30T07:02:00.000-07:00

So I'm off work today and I thought how nice is this that I don't have to get out of bed. As I'm lying there my alarm clock goes off at 6:30 am and I shut it off, no need to get up I think to myself.... all of suden I hear a little voice from the other room calling, "Mum Mum" "Mum Mum" I don't think I've ever leaped out of bed so quickly in my life. So much excitement because although he has said "mum" before he has never done it waking up in the morning. I hope to hear my new alarm clock every morning. So exciting, it is these little milestones that keep me going. Have a great day everyone, I know I will, I obviously got up on the right side of the bed.

Nathan moves out

2009-04-29T21:49:00.000-07:00

Last November Nathan moved into our room. He was refluxing and having some difficult nights and I just felt more comfortable having him close by. In January, Uncle Patrick came to visit from England and stayed with us for several months. We gave him Nathan's room as it was empty and it worked out great. Now Uncle Pat is back home in England (sniff, sniff, we miss you) and it's time for Nathan to move back into his room. We tried putting him into his toddler bed but he just cried and seemed afraid. So we put the crib back together in his room and he sleeps through the night (wasn't sure if I'd get a full night sleep again.) I guess looking through the bars gives him a sense of security. He's just not ready for a big boy bed yet and I'm okay with that. After all he is my baby.

This is Nathan's view out of his crib

inside the baby jail

View from Security Camera #3

View from Security Camera #1

Want happens if I pull on this...

2009-04-28T23:31:00.000-07:00

Our little grabber has discovered his feeding tube. He's pulled it out twice in less than 48 hours and I'm not even sure how he does so without hurting himself. He pulls it with the ball of water intact and with 5 mls of water in it. He doesn't cry, doesn't seem to be bothered by it. How is that even possible? Oh yeah like I need another thing to worry about....
When the Stoma nurse ( that's what I call her) told me that if the mic-key button ever came out I needed to get the button back in right away,not to wait because after an hour or so it will start to close up. I remember thinking okay but I probably have more time than that. Well she wasn't kidding!!!

The first time Nathan pulled his button out was at daycare. Tanya called me right away but I was on the road and didn't get the message until 20 minutes after she called. I left work immediately (knowing that this was time sensitive) and by the time I got to Nathan's daycare his stoma was almost closed ( It's a 30 minute drive to daycare from work) . Only 50 minutes and the stoma was already closing, luckily I was able to get it back in. Can you believe that! I was shocked!
Over the weekend, Nathan did it again, this time we added an extra 1ml of water to the ball. So far so good but man does he keep us on our toes. He is after all the Little Grabber.

Grandpa is sick

2009-04-24T22:28:00.000-07:00

Over the past few years we have had some difficult times. Many of those times surrounded Nathan's health and we pulled through it but tonight it's a different struggle for our family. My father-in-law Doug (aka Sean's dad), has struggled with his health since Mary ( Sean's mom) was admitted to hospital a few years ago. She suffers from dimensia and it is quite advanced. In 2007, Sean and I made a trip to Edmonton Alberta with the kids to see her but it was impossible to carry on a conversation with her. She did not know who I was and when she saw the kids she simply stated that she always wanted to be a grandma, not realizing these were her grandchildren. It was so sad.
Shortly after her admittance, Sean's dad suffered a heart attack. He recovered and was doing well until about two or three months ago. Suddenly he started having pains in his mouth. I don't have a lot of detail at the moment but the short of it all is that there is a growth on his tongue. They have removed it and now we wait for the outcome of test. He is currently in the hospital and until yesterday had a nasal gastric feeding tube ( tube through the nose to his stomach) because he cannot eat orally. Tonight we found out that the nasal gastric tube did not work and so apparently he now has one directly in his stomach and that seems to be working. I'm thinking a mic-key like Nathans? REALLY? Doesn't that seem drastic? Why wouldn't they give him fluids through an IV. Sean and I both feel that this may be more serious than we thought. We don't expect him to get out of the hospital anytime soon. I suspect that Sean will be heading out to Edmonton sometime soon.
I'm emotinally drained. I've had so much on my mind lately. I'm trying to sort out through so many different issues, some of which are and have been sitting on a back burner for quite sometime. Sometimes I really wonder just how much crap does one have to go through?

Wordless Wednesday

2009-04-22T00:39:00.000-07:00

Where have I been?

2009-04-14T22:43:00.000-07:00

Hi everyone. I have missed blogging and have a huge amount of blogs to catch up on. So much has happened and I feel like I just don't get the chance to sit and blog and read up on how everyone has been doing. There really isn't enough time in a day...

In mid January, my brother Patrick came to visit us all the way from England. He stayed with us for three months and it was a wonderful visit. After two years, it was a long overdue visit. Alyssa and Nathan really enjoyed having their Uncle Pat around and we miss him now that he has gone back home to England. We did lots while he was here, we went whale watching and saw a couple of Orca's, we did some hiking at Mystic beach, did regular tourist things but most importantly had a wonderful time and caught up on some much needed laughs. I miss you Peppermint (for those of you who don't know that was my nickname for Patrick when we were kids)

In March, we purchased our house. Four years ago, Sean and I bought this big 5 bedroom house with a friend ( A way to get into the real estate market). We talked about buying the house now because the interest rates are so low and it's a good time to refinance at a lower rate. Our friends ended up buying their own house and will be moving out on April 25th ( They are pretty excited about their new place) and we are excited about owning and using the entire house.... On that note, we have decided to have international students stay with us. We have two extra bedrooms downstairs and thought we should try it. Both Sean and I love the idea of meeting students from around the world and learning about their cultures and languages. We talked about it and thought we should try it out. Things happened quickly and we welcomed Namsoo to our home today. Namsoo has come to study English and is from South Korea and will be living with us for about four months.

Alyssa has been doing well. She continues to enjoy her preschool and is very excited about starting Kindergarden next year. She had lots of fun with her Uncle and has been asking about him and Louise. It's time for us to sign her up for some extra curricular activities. She's been asking about ballet and swimming.
Alyssa had a follow up appointment with an allergist today. they have confirmed that she is still allergic to peanuts and also has an allergy to grass. A few times now, we've noticed significant puffy, itchy eyes and we couldn't figure it out. Poor thing, summertime will prove to be challenging at times. We will have Benadryl on hand and will continue to monitor any reactions she has.

Nathan continues to have his OT and Speech therapies weekly. He's progressing well and seems to enjoy the sessions. He's a busy boy. I can't keep up with him and he's so fast. We were at the mall the other day and he runs.. It's a game to him, he laughs and just runs as fast as he can. He's been much more frequent at calling me by name too "mum' mum" Usually after i exit the room or if daddy gets up with him in the morning he'll call for me. I won't lie.. I think it's pretty awesome and I lOVE it.

there's so much that's happened over the past few months.. Things will settle a bit here in a few weeks and I'll get back into the swing of things. I've missed you all and I can't wait to read up on what you've all been up to.

Nathan's turn

2009-04-01T21:59:00.000-07:00

Retarded

2009-02-27T21:41:00.000-08:00

Why do people feel that they can dismiss me as being over sensitive and taking things too personally when I ask that they please not refer to someone as "being retarded".
I find this hurtful.
Calling someone a "nigger" is taboo or not politically correct. It's not accepted.
Saying "Oh my god" can be offensive to someone who is religious or swearing can be understood as offensive at anytime but when it comes to retarded, I'm too sensitive? Are you kidding me??
Well guess what..... I AM FREAKIN SENSITIVE ABOUT IT AND I AM GOING TO TAKE IT PERSONALLY BECAUSE YOU KNOW WHAT?? IT'S PERSONAL TO ME. IT AFFECTS MY LIFE EVERY SINGLE DAY.
Yes the word retard is a word, but to some of us it's much more than a figure of speech. It's about my little boy, it's about a comparison. When retard is used to degrade another person or essentially say that they are worthless or not as important, they in turn are saying that about my son. That to me is hurtful.
Please be respectful. I'm only asking that you think before you speak, sometimes a simple word can have so much more meaning than you think. It's not the word that is offensive, it's how it's used that is.

Today

2009-02-16T19:19:00.000-08:00

Today is a very special and meaningful day for our family.
Today I know that all those hours I spent researching and trying to get answers have helped me understand my son.
Today means that I was right and that I really do know my son better than anyone.
Today was a long awaited day
Today I feel happy because, I finally get some closure
Today I can say that my son is very unique because only 1 in 300,000 people have this extremely rare genetic syndrome.
Today our geneticist confirmed what we knew all along. Nathan's molecular testing confirmed that he has Rubinstein-Taybi Syndrome (RTS).
Today my son has RTS. February 16th 2009 is a day I will never ever forget.

Now you know your ABC's next time won't you sign with me?

2009-02-15T15:33:00.000-08:00

Alyssa has really taken an interest in signing. It's been wonderful because her and I practice together and we both enjoy it. Signing times is one of her favorites. During dinner we often have signing challenges to see who can sign a word the fastest or sometimes we'll just sign instead of talking to see if we can understand each other. It's cute and a great way to build and practice on our signing skills. Lately we've been working on our alphabet together and so yesterday when we got to a local park and she found the alphabet chart she was very excited. So here she is showing us all how to sign the letter "B"

Sometimes there's just too much to do

2009-02-15T15:22:00.000-08:00

and napping would mean missing out on what everyone else is doing. Nathan asleep with bunny bear on top of his train table.