Tuesday, December 2, 2008

Trying to cope- today is a hard day!

As I begin blogging I get very excited about reading up on what happening with other RTS toddlers. I feel hooked on what's going on with my RTS family. It's like when I first discovered Facebook, I spent hours looking and searching for friends and trying some of the new games. I find myself now reading and wanting to know what other families are going through and connecting in ways I didn't think possible.
I was reading a couple of Blogs today and found I was excited and thrilled about the progress of other RTS sweeties. Like how Will is signing "HELP" and how Matt is using picture cards to communicate. Then reality set in and I felt sad. I felt sad that Nathan isn't there yet and that maybe it's because I'm not doing enough for him. Maybe I shouldn't be working, but I know that my work is what keeps me sane and what keeps a healthy balance for me. After all I was Christine before I became  Alyssa and Nathan's mom. Then I just felt angry and now I've crashed. I've been feeling sad and I guess It's just an "off" day. I guess I'm still mad that all this has happened to our family. 
I will meet Nathan's OT for the first time tomorrow morning. I would be lying if I didn't say that the system has let us down. Nathan has not had an OT since he left the hospital at the young age of 5 months and I feel we have a long road ahead of us before we can do any kind of catch up. I guess there was no funding up until just recently.  I'm tired of all this crap but will do it because I have to. My little grabber needs me and there's nothing I wouldn't do for him. 


  1. Sending you hugs Christine. I can so relate to you. I often have mixed feelings when I read of other kids’ successes - such joy for them (I really am celebrating), but I also have a longing for Matt to experience that too. And I have to remind myself that each kid is so different and if Matt does something 6 months later than another then it actually doesn't really mean anything. One thing we have to force ourselves not to do is to compare. It is a blessing to have other RTS kids so accessible via blog but we have to be strict with our minds to not go down the comparison road - for our own sanity. I battle too.

    But I can really feel your frustration with the wait for services. Keep fighting.

    I am not sure if you have come across this book but it was really helpful for us before we got going with Matt's PECS. It is called “It takes Two to Talk; a Practical Guide for parents of children with language delays” by Jan Pepper and Elaine Weitzman. It is really helpful and fully of useful and appropriate ways of engage one’s child.

  2. I have these same feelings, and Im at home all day with Alex. there is sooo much work we have to do and want to do, I think we will always feel like we arent doing enough.
    Have a good day today......
    Im here.

  3. (((HUGS)))

    We all have those thoughts of not doing enough. I am with Will all day long and still feel that some days I could have done more with him.

    As far as communicating, it will come. Nathan will get there. If there is one thing that Will has taught me, it is patience. He will do it in his own time.

    I am here.

  4. Welcome to the blogging world! I had my "down" day last week. I, too, had a hard time reading how much time and effort some of the RTS moms put into their kids. Austin (6 yrs RTS) loves to be alone and does not want to "work" on anything once he's home from school. There's sooo much he cannot do and I feel so guilty about it. I'm a stay at home mom and yet the time I do have with Austin, he just wants to be alone!

  5. Hi Christine! I loved seeing pictures of Nathan on your old site and am so glad you're blogging now!

    As others have said, we all have down days/weeks. But the kids show their love for us and it makes it worthwhile.

    I remember telling myself in the NICU when Natalie was born that "I have to love her, because if her mom won't who else will?" It's never easy, but it gets easier to accept as the years pass, and it's so fun to see that others DO love our kids...but not as much as us. Hugs!

  6. I am so glad you are blogging! My blog has been so amazing for me. I have overcome so much and become such a better "RTS" mom! :)

    We are with you through all of this. Some days are worse than others. I compare AnnaKate all the time...it makes me sad that I do this. But it is just human nature.

    Please link my blog to yours. I look forward to getting to know you and Nathan.
    Kelly and AnnaKate

  7. Ah, I have those thoughts of not doing enough ALL THE TIME and feel guilty sometimes for working outside of the home. You are not alone! Seeing how much Max enjoys day-care makes it easier on me. Although, I have a hard time seeing him around "typical" kids when I pick him up. And I also compare him to the other RTSweeties I read up on on-line. I don't like the fact that I do this, but it is hard not to. Some days are better than others! Thinking of you!

  8. Christine, You are not alone. I have to admit just the other day I bawled at my computer when I read of another child younger than Noah that is almost walking. I hate that I do this. It hurts so much. I am a stay at home mom and I am always feeling as If I'm not doing enough. I have had to relax a lot and let Noah discover things on his own. When he was a lot younger I thought I had to do "therapy" with him all the time. How wrong I was. All I really need to do all the time is love him. Please link my blog to yours too. Hugs, Kristi and Noah 2 RTS